Take Your Elf to Work Day: We Need a Cleanup in Aisle 5

It's clear to me after the HOLLYPALOOZA showdown that my elf Holly can not be left with a chaperone or to her own devices.

I've taken a part-time seasonal job this Christmas at a popular book retailer. What to do with a mischevious elf on a Sunday afternoon? I'll just take her to work with me and be as discreet as possible.

Holly was set up in a back corner table at the in-store cafe with a peppermint mocha latte, coloring books, and approved reading materials with includes American Girl Magazine, Little House in the Big Woods, Santa Mouse, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Make Way for Ducklings. That should keep her entertained.

Here are the events that unfolded throughout the day in Chronological order:

1. Jingle Bells and Frosty the Snowman was replaced with Black Sabbath on the store PA system.

2. There was a noon reading of Fifty Shades of Gray in the back corner of the store near the restrooms for all those interested. Mostly fascinated teenage age boys since that area is desigated for Anime/Fantasy/ and Graphic novels.

3. Customers were greeted at the end of the sales line by an elf claiming the she knows you are on the naughty list and has pull with Santa. Tell her your naughtiest deed and pay a fee (weighed of course by how bad you have been) and she can argue your case with the big man.

4.  All factory boxed Elf on the Shelves were set free. SET THE ELVES FREEEEEEE!!!! was chirped through the store as a red bolt of lightening zipped through and freed them from their boxes. This caused more TEARS than CHEERS. Hundreds of confused teary eyed elves roamed the store whimpering "Where's my new family??"  " I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED" sobbing and one poor little elf wet his pants. WE NEED A CLEAN UP ON AISLE 5!


An announcement was made over the PA system. Would the owner of the unruly elf that goes by  IT's None OF Your Darn Business, please make your way to Customer Service.  I did a walk by with a load of books that needed to be shelved and casually whispered... "makeabreakforitandmeetmeinthecarin20"