Letter from Santa: 1 psychotic elf for 1 Taylor Swift CD

I woke up this morning to find a letter from Santa. It was in response to my request for an elf swap. 1 psychotic elf for 1 playful silly good time elf. Here was his response;

Dear Jaime,

Thank you for your request. I am truly sympathetic towards your situation, but due to the budget cuts and travel costs I can not swap out your defective elf at this time. The reindeer are overworked (and Holly scares the droppings out of Rudolph) as it is and an single trip at this time would blow our budget this year and we are trying to stay within that number. What I can offer you is TWIN elves next year. Holly 2.0 and Jolly would make an excellent addition to your household. They were at the top of their class at Elf on the Shelf Academy. Holly sadly was at the bottom of her class past year, but with your patience and kind disposition I honestly thought you could make her your project and turn her around this Christmas season.

I would suggest slipping her some Children’s Tylenol each day to make her drowsy and more cooperative. As you know she’ll quickly build a resistance so you should up the dosage to NqQuil the closer you get to Christmas.

AS promised I will leave the Taylor Swift RED CD and take Holly but due to the holiday stress she is causing you I will also leave Season 1 and 2 of Downington Abby on Blue Ray as well. Possibly a Henry & Beezus 1st Edition if I can find one on Ebay. Nobody outbids Santa!.

Cheers and Good Luck.

Santa