Dateline: To Catch An Elf

Remember when you were younger and were finally old enough to be left home alone? You always knew when they were going to be home so the scene was set about 20 minutes beforehand.  TV was switched off and the homework was  laid out. All traces of junk food, soda, etc. was put away. You get the idea.

I feel that way every single day when I come home from work. Holly is usually snuggled up on the couch watching old episodes of Jerry

Springer (which she knows I detest) or maybe one of her game show favorites. It just seems a little too neatly packaged for me. I’m on to her and decided that I needed to take the Chris Hansen route. DATELINE: To Catch an Elf……

I borrowed a few old nanny cams and also a brand new video baby monitor and began placing them strategically placed around the house along with my web cam.  What does she do between the hours of 6am and 6pm?

Binge eating Fun Dip and Pixie Sticks followed by  cup after cup of red Kool-Aid.  (sigh.. I always wondered why her mouth was tinged red. Kool-aid, not blood), managing her Ebay store (Wait… what is she selling on Ebay? Is that my high school cheerleading poster?),  and corresponding with her new pen pals at Sing Sing.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Holly has caught on though. Even though I check in from time to time with my web cam, I haven’t viewed the nanny cam footage until last night.  She has figured out where they are placed though and has decided to use it as confessional as seen in reality shows.

Holly is front and center whispering into the grainy footage.

“Day 22 of Exile.. 

Crazy Cat Girl is really getting on my nerves. Yes, she’s been feeding me and providing shelter with  Barbie Dream Condo and possibly a Corvette pending good behavior, BUT does she really need to act like Miss Susie Sunshine 24/7. It’s irritating.  She is getting on my last nerve.

If she sings “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” while getting ready for bed at night ONE MORE TIME, I think a b-slap is in order!

(camera is knocked over and righted again as Holly gets all shifty and paranoid)

Please help me! It’s cuteness overload. Kitties, musicals, cookies in the oven, Buddy Holly on the radio, Anne of Green Gable readings, crocheting/knitting circle, Sunday School attending. And on and on and on…”

(Holly makes strangling , death noises and whispers in a haggard voice)

 Deathhhhhh byyyyyy goooody gooooodynessssss  

SAVEEEEEE MMMMEEEEEEEEE”