Chore Boy... New England's Answer to a Cabana Boy

I spent this past weekend quarantined  in my apartment with a stomach bug while Holly spent her time drinking the last of my diet coke while holed up in her Barbie Dream Condo with a stack of Harlequin novels.

When I asked Holly for a little bit of assistance she replied “I’m not your indentured servant and if I wanted to see a pathetic girl hurling I would revisit my last 5 spring breaks in Cancun”  A DO NOT DISTURB sign was staked in front of the Condo and I was left alone suffering on the couch watching Lifetime Original Movies. 

Is it too much to expect a tiny bit of sympathy from my psycho elf?  I don’t think Holly felt any sympathy but she did see an opportunity. The next morning I found her sitting at the kitchen table compiling a Help Wanted AD.  

   Local Elf and her Lonely Binging Roommate seek Chore Boy

I reminded Holly that I do not purge or binge so she made a minor correction.

Sassy Local Elf and her Cat Crazy Boy Band Loving Roommate seek Chore Boy

Ummmm.. I haven’t obsessed over any boy bands since 1988. NKOTB you are always in my heart!

Slightly Crazy Sassy Local Elf and her Cat Crazy Secretly Wishes She was Taylor Swift Roommate seek Chore Boy

Augh…. We will work on that later. What the heck is a Chore Boy? Holly said it’s the New England version of a Cabana Boy . Flannel and work boots instead of Ray Bans and swim trunks. You know page 20 – 35 in the back of the JCREW catalog.

Holly said my whining and moaning for a cup of water to quench my thirst last night in my feverish stupor gave her an idea. Wouldn’t it just be easier to call out or ring a bell and say “Chore Boy… water please”? or  “Chore Boy…. Scoop the litter box” or  “Chore boy, shovel the driveway while we watch”  “Chore Boy.. run down to the Packie for a six pack and some smokes since elves do not have proper id”

“Chore Boy.. do not let elf convince you to buy alcohol, smokes, chew, Sudafed, cough syrup, anything for huffing etc. or you will FACE MY WRATH”

I asked how we were going to pay for Chore Boy’s services and she thought maybe my landlord would include CB with my new lease which comes up next month.  Holly said she is a whiz with making additions to the fine print. I nixed this idea since my landlord is awesome and it’s enough that he is willing to come over after a hard days work to reinstall all the shower fixtures, etc. that came crashing down when I was standing on the edge of the bathtub at 5:30 in the morning trying to kill a spider with the shower running. Luckily I didn’t kill myself. Yeah.. it would be bad enough being found by my landlord or neighbor dead on the bathroom floor BUT dead and naked with a slipper in my hand and a smashed spider on the ceiling….  Even in death I would be mortified.

Holly is still compiling her list of requirements and is consulting with our downstairs neighbor to help chip in etc.

TO BE CONTINUED…..