Holly, Thin Mints and the Girl Scouts

On my honor, I will try:To serve God and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

Girl Scouts.. such fond memories. Building confidence, volunteering, sell cookies and working towards badges.

Goals, selflessness, building character... yes this is exactly what  Holly needs. No more cruising after hours in the Barbie corvette, no more trips to the police station. Holly needs additional role models besides myself of course. Holly was resistant at first claiming that it sounds like one of those hippie dippie cults singing about sunshine and happiness. How do I know that they aren't going to brainwash her and ask her to stand on a corner asking for money for their cause. Well I was a Girl Scout for many years and look how I turned out. Holly just nods and murmers well that validates all my previous suspicions...

A quick jaunt up into the attic provides a trip down memory lane. Brown polyester jumper dress, sashes filled to the brim with badges with no room for more to be added. A felt brownie beanie and my patches for top cookie seller 1984, 1985, 1986, etc.

Holly joined the local troop and all appeared to be well. Weekends volunteering at the nursing home. She even donated a few contraband books the residents asked for. Her heart was in the right place I think.

Things were going so well until cookie season came upon us. Elves are known for their competitive nature. It's not their fault really. Santa feeds fuel to the fire by offering awards and incentives to those that meet quota far and beyond expectations. If you don't meet quota...well....things are no longer snowflakes, candycanes, and gum drops.

Holly was excited to sell cookies and wanted to know what awards are offered and incentives to sell the most for your troop. The troop leader explained that the funds go towards attending Camp Fireside. Well that wasn't going to do.  Holly came up with her own incentives amongst the girls.  First place earns not only top badge, BUT a petition to have a new cookie named after her next selling season. Only rule is there are no rules. Most definitly not the Girl Scout motto but Holly was running this show.

Those girls were no match for Holly. She took her cue from another nostalgic snack. Twinkie and Snowball. Now girl scout cookies are only offered once a year.What do you do when you no something will no longer be offered? You buy up inventory and rise prices at a later date when mercandise is out of stock and no longer available. Now that Twinkies are no longer offered, everyone suddently wants one.

So that is how I came to have my back room filled floor to ceilling with cases of Thin Mints, Shortbread, etc. Holly used her allowance from Santa to buy up the stock offered for her troop. Her plan is to sell them on Ebay for a huge profit. Begrudingly top prize and badge was bestowed upon Holly. 15 sullen girls will be off to Camp Fireside this summer and Holly's membership has been rescinded. Not before a petition was submitted for a new cookie next year CANDY CANE CRAZY CRUNCH. A slight change from the original submission which was PSYCHO ELF DELIGHT.

Holly has her own sash with her one cookie top seller patch. Even though she is no longer a Girl Scout she has assured me she can think of several badges she can come up with and earn on her own. Lord please help me. I better not see a Start Your Own Meth Lab badge or Adopt a Inmate badge or Fight to the Death skills badge..

Bread, Milk, Candy, and Beer? Priorities for a Blizzard.

Blizzard 2013 is here and Holly is beside herself with glee.

Prepartions had to be made of course which included battling the local super market which was a scary experience. Fear seized me as I crossed the threshold. Carts blocked the aisles, people had that crazed look in their eyes so I grabbed the few things on my list and got the heck out of Dodge.

Holly inspected my goods and exclaimed "You are a New Englander!! This isn't your first time at the rodeo. Where's the chips? Where's the Cheetos, Where's the brownie mix, beef jerky and most important of all WHERE'S THE CANDY!!"

Holly has a point (well except about being a New Englander. I'm from the mid west but I did live in upstate New York my last two years of high school which was good prepartion for New England winters), if you are going to be snowed in for a few days, junk food is a must.

I gave a sheepish shrug and Holly rolled her eyes with disgust. Holly explained to me that her time at the North Pole has taught her a few things about harsh winters. Take Santa for example.

Q: Why do you think Santa is round and pudgy?
A:  Not from all the cookies on Christmas obviously. He's holed up in the North Pole snowed in while the elves slave away year round making toys. Santa spends his time eating cake, chips, fried mushrooms, etc. while watching Real Houswives of Atlanta marathons.

Q: Why do you think Santa is so rosy and jolly all the time?
A: He's snowed in with his collection of Budwiser, Padbst Blue Ribbon, Heinekin, etc. In some states he's more likely to arrive at a house with a bottle of Bud and a bag of pretzels left out instead of milk and cookies. You'd be a fool to think that sleigh arrvies back home empty. For every 5 presents that leave the sleigh a bottle of fine liquor goes back in.

Q:  Why do you think Reindeer play Reindeer games?
A:  To not go stir crazy with cabin fever. I keep telling you Rudolph is a little bit off. He was excluded from reindeer  games in his early years as we all know from that silly little song.

To drive her point home Holly said "Tell me what the person before you and after you in line was buying at the super market?"

The lady in front of me had a bag of apples and a 30 pack of beer and the lady behind me was buying a carton of ciggies.

Holly hurls a carton of yogurt at me and yells "PRIORITIES JAIME!!! PRIORITIES!!""

"Next time at least buy a pack of Twizzlers and a bag Cool Ranch Doritoes when preparing to ride out a blizzard. Geesh.."

As for snowed in activities, I think an 80's movie marathon is in order. Holly disagrees and thinks The Shining is the perfect snowed in movie. I think I can change her mind with the two Johns's of the 80's: John Cusack and John Hughes.

T Minus 10 until lazy snowed in activies again. Holly just needs to stop obsessing over her Blizzard 2013 Squares. She's informed me that I work with a bunch of gamblers. She emailed out the Cubes on Friday morning and she has a  lot money at stake on 30 inches by noon Saturday. Her biggest threat is Wanda in Order Entry and Jenn in whatever the heck she does to keep the network and technical stuff up and running at work.

Ohh.. and don't even mention Susan in Sales. She won the 1st and 2nd quarter for the  Super Bowl Squares and Holly defriended her on my Facebook page. Reminds me that I need to change my password AGAIN.